Brian Bald
Nov 11, 2008

This blog is dedicated to promoting the ideas of the unqualified and under-informed. With that in mind, “12 Angry Homers” is a weekly feature highlighting the rants and raves of a graduate from each of the 12 ACC schools (note: eventually…we are a few homers short at the moment) as their beloved teams make their way through the football & basketball seasons…

Homer #1: E-Dubs

What did Florida State put in Clemson’s water during half time?

I could not believe the monumental breakdown Clemson suffered in the second half. Where did the team go that was on the field in the first half? Clemson’s defense just fell apart and their O-line was a joke.

Florida State had superior athletes on the lines that did not tire out as the game went on. It’s just a matter of time before the O-line coach and former USC coach, Brad Scott, gets booted from the Clemson program. It’s been the same story all year: bad O-line = losses.

Any chance Yabo Dabo Doo had of getting the head coaching job just went out the window. Word on the street is that Tuberville is going to bring his crew from Auburn into town. I want Butch Davis from UNC but he will go to Tenn before taking the Clemson job. Muschamp is another candidate but his defense is giving up around 30 points a game.

Clemson has Duke this weekend at noon and if the Tigers want to go to a bowl this year they have to win this game. You know your team is bad when all your home games are at noon.  Is it basketball season yet?

Homer #2: Moncrieffe

7-2!!! Not bad at all. Not quite FSU of old but still not bad.

Clemson put up a valiant effort in the first half jumping out 10-0 on us, but my boy Ponder, along with that killer FSU defense, would have none of that nonsense. After Neefy Moffett took an INT back for 6 it was smooth sailing. Tony Carter tried to give away the game on a muffed punt but the defense held firm. Despite the high score in this game the defense showed strong fortitude this week.
The one thing I noticed in this game and am now finally ready to attribute to Ponder is his undeniable ability to never get down on himself or believe he is out of the game. He can watch the other team score and use that as motivation to move his team up the field. This is going to help us tremendously in the coming weeks and years. While Ponder is far from done growing, he has made significant strides to show me that he will be ready to lead us into the future.
I’d like to give my condolences to Antone Smith for going 4 years at FSU and never recording a 1,000 yard season. Sure the year’s not over, but it’s pretty much done for him because Jermaine Thomas is the truth. Thanks for your hard work and dedication Antone. Maybe free agency will work out for you because the draft is not looking good.
I would also like to plea to NC State and Boston College, please beat Wake Forest. Without your help, we can win out and still not make the ACC Championship Game, which is just uncalled for.

Homer #3: Benz

Homer #4: Beef & Charlie Chalupa

I hate the Terps. They climb back into the top 25…and promptly go poo themselves on national television. Hopefully people were watching the Browns and Broncos game instead. Again, poor coaching results in a lack of discipline.

The Terps must be the most frustrating team to root for because you never know if they will show up or not. If you are a Duke fan, at least you know not to even bother. Speaking of “root,” did you know that in Australia “to root” means to f***? That’s right.

Homer #5: Krystal

Bye week for the U. But bring on the Hokies. Benny, you’re going down!

Homer #6: Ned Ryerson

What’s the best way to move into a tie for first in the Coastal Division? An absolute beat down of Georgia Tech…they are not quite there with the triple option.

This might make me sound like an idiot, but I had the hardest damn time following the ball on Saturday. I’d be watching the QB move around the corner and the fullback would have the ball in the middle of the field. I’d be watching the fullback, sure he had the ball, and Dwyer would be hitting the corner. I felt like I was watching hockey and couldn’t find the puck, it was very embarrassing.

I’m worried about Steve Martin, the play-by-play man for Raycom. He sounded like he’d never seen the Tar Heels before. He couldn’t name the right players and kept messing up stats and downs. At one point, after Carolina had driven about 30 yards and had to punt from the GT 40 yard line, Martin lead with, “so the Tar Heels go three and out.” No they didn’t. It’s like he wasn’t trying or maybe he was sniffing glue with Doc Walker.

The defense continues to be the catalyst for this team and it’s only going to get better. They are 8 deep on the defensive line, and both Bruce Carter and Quan Sturdivant look like future NFL linebackers. We only lose Trimane Goddard next year, and we have a couple of guys waiting to fill his shoes. Looks like this unit could be the best in the ACC next season. You heard it here first.

Cam Sexton has obviously filled in nicely for TJ Yates, but now that he’s back healthy it might be time to turn the keys to the Hakeem Nicks sports car back to the more capable driver.

See everyone in the worst place on earth next weekend, College Park, MD. Seriously Maryland, that place sucks. Bad.

Homer #7: The Steve Smith

Duke has the area radio stations pumping up fans with ads of coach Cutcliff proclaiming loudly and proudly: “WE ARE: DUKE”! Well coach, you got that right.

We haven’t played Duke in 5 years, so I wasn’t real familiar with any of their players. But early in the game everyone in the sold-out stadium was reminded that Duke is still Duke. Thad Lewis was sloppy and erratic on a day when the Wolfpack SHUT DOWN Duke’s running game. They dared Lewis to beat them and he had nothing. Meanwhile, Cutcliff went for it 3 times on 4th down and was turned away by the Wolfpack every time.

NC State’s offense rolled, moving the ball almost at will, with zero “3-and-outs” on the day. Once up 27-10 in the fourth quarter, the game got almost boring as Duke’s attempts at a comeback bordered on pathetic. Not as pathetic as their marching-band looked during the half-time show, and not as amateur as the poor-excuse for cheerleaders they ran out there. My favorite part of the game was the fact that we got general admission seats 3 rows from the front, right behind the Duke bench along with several other State fans. It was well worth the money to see the looks on the Duke players faces when, after another shanked-punt, or sack, or giving up a long TD pass, we would yell: “YOU ARE: DOOK!”

New year, new football coach, new football center, same terrible band, laughable cheerleaders, and over-matched football team. If Russell Wilson keeps playing at this level, he’ll be in the running for rookie of the year, as well as 1st team all-ACC QB. Now let’s win out and go to Boise.

Homer #8: 46 East

Gee, who said all year that the Hoos were not a very good football team?  Who said don’t believe that Resilient Al is the long term solution for our program? Who was not fooled by a few wins against fellow mediocre ACC schools?  That would be me. 

Unfortunately for us, I am not running the UVA athletic department.  That money-bloated, fiscally-backwards, 40,000 leagues under the sea ship is being steered by the esteemed Craig Littlepage.  Did you realize that Craig runs the 9th wealthiest athletic program in the nation?  Yes, that’s right.  Well ahead of schools like LSU, FSU, and Auburn.  Maybe Craig should team up with Wall Street so they can blow more of our hard earned money.  I don’t think he has realized his full money blowing potential yet.  After all, last year he brought us national championships in rowing and foosball.  Although, the fact that he just gave Resilient Al a guaranteed endorsement for next year no matter what happens in our last two games shows that Craig does have what it takes to blow more of our money.  He’s figuring it out, stay patient people.  Eventually we will rise to #1 on the wealthiest programs list and fall completely off the radar screen in every major sport.

I don’t even know what else to say.  Oh wait, it doesn’t matter, because we are a b-ball school.  Hell yeah, its almost b-ball season!!  What’s that?  We are pre-season picked to finish last in the ACC?  Sean Singletary graduated?  We have no known commodities returning except for the chuck and suck of Mamadi Diane?  And we are thankful that Tunji Soroye is back??  Great.  Looking forward to it.  Emotional Divestment continues.  Wahoowa.

Homer #9: Benny-Who!?!??

253 yards (school record) rushing by Darren Evans catapulted VT to a win this week.  Watch this video of Warren concussing Heyward-Bey and Evans steamrolling Skinner.  Heyward-Bey didn’t know where he was as his legs turned to al dente noodles. 

Huge win by the Hokies, and it gives us a lot of momentum going down to Dolphin Stadium this Thursday to take on the Hurricanes for first place in the Coastal division. A relatively easy road to Jacksonville awaits the Hokies after this game with only Duke in Durham and UVa at home left on the schedule.

Without that long bubble screen TD by Heyward-Bey (I’ll give it to him, he ain’t bad), the Hokies defense looked really good.  They held the Turtles to -12 rushing yards.  We will hold the Miami running game to under 80 yards, and with all the penalties they commit, the Hokies will beat the Hurricanes in a close one.  I have $50 on VT this week with fellow columnist Krystal and can’t wait to collect.

Homer #10: Erik the Red

Homer #11: _________

Do you know someone who went to Boston College? Because I don’t. If you, or someone you know, wants to be the BC Homer, e-mail thebaldspot@inrich.com

Homer #12: ________

Even Duke grads admit they do not pay attention to football. I doubt anyone wants to read about Blue Devil football any more than anyone wants to write about it. So, we will spare everyone involved and hold this space open for b-ball season.