I hate Halloween.

Unfortunately, my distaste for spending money during a recession on a ridiculous outfit I will never wear again and am too old to be wearing in the first place leaves me in a difficult position. Specifically, it leaves me at home on the couch on a Friday night.

My problem is that the people who love Halloween REALLY love Halloween. With the help of Hallmark and the Hershey Company, they hijack this weekend in October and organize elitist gatherings. If you do not cave to their demands for face paint and polyester one-size-fits-all garments, you must suffer the looks of disgust from 80’s hair band members and slutty nurses alike.

Bars also embrace the tradition, but people who work at and own bars will use any opportunity to appeal to slutty nurses, which is a difficult concept to argue with. However, it means that the only alternative I have is to sit at home imagining my friends discussing how lame I am for hating Halloween enough to sit at home.

Thankfully, this year is different.

You see, the real problem I have with Halloween is creativity. Having to come up with a costume is infuriating and the real source of tension between All Hallows’ Eve and myself. But this year, the decision has been made for me.

My friends, who fall heavily in to the Halloween loving category of people, are throwing a Zombie Party. Though pretty self-explanatory, the premise is if you don’t have another costume in mind, throw on some tattered clothing and draw a scar on your forehead…case closed.

While this does not achieve my ultimate goal of a costume-free house party for Halloween outcasts, at least I can venture off my couch this year without fear of being persecuted by girls who, if it were not for our Puritan social standards, would probably dress like strippers on a consistent basis.

ACC Picks

Florida St (+2.5) over GEORGIA TECH
Miami (+2.5) over UVA
BC (-4) over Clemson
WAKE FOREST (-7.5) over Duke

Top 25 Picks

South Florida (-3) over CINCINNATI
MICHIGAN ST (-4.5) over Wisconsin
MINNESOTA (-7) over Northwestern
Tulsa (-7) over ARKANSAS
ALABAMA (-23) over Arkansas St
BAYLOR (+23) over Missouri
OKLAHOMA ST (-30.5) over Iowa St
Oregon (+3) over CALIFORNIA
Florida (-6) over Georgia (Jacksonville)
Brigham Young (-14.5) over COLORADO ST
USC (-44.5) over Washington
NEW MEXICO ST (+20.5) over Boise St
Nebraska (+22) over OKLAHOMA
Texas Christian (-14) over UNLV
LSU (-25) over Tulane
TEXAS TECH (+4) over Texas
Utah (-7.5) over NEW MEXICO
UCONN (+4) over West Virginia

Last Week: 13 – 10
Overall: 72 – 58 – 2