I just spent a few minutes standing beside my daughter’s crib staring at her and thinking about the joy she brings to my life.  A year ago today I was awaiting her arrival. And while I remember life before mother hood and admit to being open to the idea of a night out of the house, I cannot remember how it felt not to know Sophia’s laugh or her cry, or how it feels when she gives me a hug.  Did I know that these things were missing in my life, or did I just have no idea how fulfilling parenthood would be?

No doubt that my husband I are both getting less sleep, have less money and in general look at little more worn down than we did in the years before our daughter was born. But if that’s the trade-off, then it’s a fair trade.

My baby girl turns 1 year old today and we are starting the next chapter in our life. Change was around every corner during the first year – for both Sophia and I – and I am sure the next year will bring more of the same. This year, I watched the tiny baby I cautiously brought home from the hospital grow into a walking, talking, eating machine who has an amazing personality and lights up every room.

We endured a couple of illnesses, months of fending for ourselves while my husband finished graduate school out of town and the ongoing pursuit of the perfect bottle and sippy cup.

I’ve laughed more than ever, I’ve cried in the shower, and I have found that a few moments of sleep sure do beat nothing at all.

My family and friends are gathering this weekend for a picnic to share some time together and a cupcake, and to take turns playing with Sophia while celebrating her first amazing year.

As is the way these days, I’m scrambling at the last minute for what to eat, what to drink and a couple dozen balloons. If all fails, I’ll just pick up a bunch of tacos for us to share. We’ll be together and that’s what counts. I am going to push to pull it together, though, because I want to tell my daughter that we all enjoyed her first birthday. I know that she will not remember our picnic, but I want to get the people in my life who have helped me the most in the past year together and say thank you in my own, somewhat disorganized way.