I Just Came In For A Carton of Milk and Diapers
Becky Suder
Jun 19, 2008
It has come to my attention that all families have not been made aware of the Eleven Commandments of the grocery store. I will relay them now as best I know them.
#1: Thou shalt not allow your two-foot child to push the four-foot metal cart. This results in banged shins for both your families and strangers. It also results in heels of shoes caught in wheels, and piles of produce dancing in the aisles.
#2: The little miniature grocery carts that someone invented for the littlest shopper are not cute they are stupid. They multiply your trip by two hours. Thou shalt avoid them at all costs.
#3: Same goes for the semis with the cars attached to metal carts that children can “drive” while you shop. Children never stay in the car; they more often end up on top. This breaks highway safety rules and shall also be avoided at all costs. Besides that look inside- they are filthy and never get to the car wash.
#4: Thou shalt not open food and let your child eat in the grocery store. If you have ever seen a checker trying to scan a half-opened bag of Oreos with the bar code on the bottom you will understand this.
#5: Thou shalt not talk on the cell phone while examining thirty different kinds of pasta while you dig for coupons while your two year old climbs to the top of the cereal aisle. Shopping requires focus not a chat with your best friend about what your best friend’s ex did with his current girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend.
#6: Thou shalt not send your five year old on a scavenger hunt to find the snack of his choice. Unattended children in the grocery store make everyone nervous.
#7: If your child has a meltdown drag out tantrum though shalt keep your cool as Mommies and Daddies smacking children across the back of their heads and shouting “Shut up” in guttural tones makes for a non pleasant shopping experience and forces us to put our finger on speed dial to child welfare services.
#8: Thou shalt keep your children in the cart or if they can, let them walk closely nearby the cart. Other shoppers should not have to dodge small children as they navigate from frozen foods to dairy.
#9: Thou shalt know when the shopping trip needs to be cut short. If all havoc is breaking loose as it sometimes does with small children- know when to throw in the towel.
#10: Thou shalt not stand in the middle of the aisle discussing the nutritional value or lack of it of a box of Lucky Charms with your four year old. You’ve got the ATM card and you should know how to use it. Until he starts buying the goods he doesn’t get a say
#11: Thou shalt hold onto your children in the parking lot. Sure we are only going fifteen miles an hour but those little whipper snappers are fast.
And finally here’s one for all you non-parents: If you see a woman with a small crying infant, thou shalt let her cut in line. To the new mother the cry sounds like a jet engine breaking the sound barrier. Let her go people let her go.
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this is so true. me, not being a mother, but the oldest of four girls and a cashier, i do wish that these were posted at the front of each and every store. I LOVE your writing...but im also finding that i love sara’s comments also! haha, keep up the good work!
<3
becca of chesterfield
Jul. 28, 2008 at 11:22 PM
I was just wondering when this awesome blogger is going to come out with a book! I just started reading her blogs and I am highly impressed! Keep up the good work!
susan templeton of sterling, va
Jul. 11, 2008 at 12:46 AM
The blog’s very professional! Keep up the good work!
Georgios of Trinidad And Tobago, Sacramento
Jul. 3, 2008 at 07:53 AM
Keep up this great resource.
Yiorgos of Zambia, Albuquerque
Jul. 3, 2008 at 07:49 AM
“In this age of famine, war, disease and terrorism, THIS is what you waste you time on? It must be a sad place in your petty little world. “
funny.....i want to tell you the same thing, buddy. trolling a parenting blog, itching for the opportunity to be nasty when someone actually writes about *gasp* PARENTING!
jerk. go get a hobby. and while you’re at it, bone up on “you” proofreading skills, sucka.
holly of rva
Jun. 23, 2008 at 04:04 PM
Ummm, so okay, I like the car carts. I also think that if we followed 10 of your 11 commandments (sorry, but I just can’t go with #2) there would be less war & terrorism - at least in the grocery store.
morgan of richmond
Jun. 20, 2008 at 08:07 PM
Oh...My...Gosh! There’s a war? And Famine? Seriously, I just pulled my head out of my gigantic bag filled with sippy cups, spilled M&M;’s, Anti bacterial wipes, preschool graduation programs,and broken crayon bits long enough to read your blog and thank goodness I did because if I hadn’t, I would not have seen that last comment. And had I not seen that I wouldn’t have realized that there was war, famine and nuclear bombs (I thought we got rid of those things with the USSR!). Did you know that there is a presidential election with some old guy and a black dude? And poisoned tomatoes? And the SAT’s might not mean ANYTHING? And Britney Spears likes to go commando? And don’t even get me started on IRAN ahhhhhhhhhhhh IRAN!!!!!!!
Apparently, wedged in between recipes for low fat salad oil and pets we were supposed to find some meaning in your little parenting blog only to find out all of us who have been reading it and enjoying what you have to say are stupid and petty. Funny, I thought I was trying to play a part in the raising of our future when all along I had my head up my rear end. I have seen the light. From now on I will only think deep important thoughts and ruminate and stew about the sad shape of the universe. I will not look at the LIving section of INRICH for a little light hearted talk about the day to day drudge of parenting. I will go out and burn my nursing bras, march on Washington about greenhouse gasses and drilling off the Alaskan Coast.
Oh the humanity. Oh the inhumanity. Bull.
Sara of Ashland
Jun. 19, 2008 at 09:07 PM
Sorry Pal just a lighthearted blog about family and parenting. I think you are in search of another site. Good Luck
Rebecca
Jun. 19, 2008 at 06:39 PM
In this age of famine, war, disease and terrorism, THIS is what you waste you time on? It must be a sad place in your petty little world.
HRC of Richmond
Jun. 19, 2008 at 02:28 PM
I saw a woman with a three year old standing in front of the freezer section (with the freezer door open) asking the kid what he wanted to eat - now I know that you sometimes have to let the kid win, but that is out of control. Please smack me if you see me doing that when Brennan is 3 :)
good post Becky.
Joe of dogtown
Jun. 19, 2008 at 10:45 AM
#12 Leave the children at home with your significant other when going shopping. See above for reasons why.
Tom Suder of Lansdowne, VA
Jun. 19, 2008 at 09:13 AM
please, folks........... do let the mother of the crier go ahead. it is true, the cound is amazingly amplified for us. we will all win if you allow us this gift.
holly of rva
Jun. 19, 2008 at 08:59 AM
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