Today my little sprite came home with a smile the size of the Hoover Dam.

“Mama, guess what,” he chirped.  “Blankety-Blank said he DID want to be my friend.”

“Oh, I’m so glad Honey.”

“He said just make sure I don’t tell anyone else because the other boys don’t like me.  So as long as I don’t tell anyone, then we can be friends.”

Say What?  Donovan’s cool.  He’s so cool; he’s like an ice cube.  Blankety-Blank should be dying to spend time with him.  And then I have a vision of Donovan panting after Blankety-Blank and basically kissing his little blue-jeaned butt.  O.k. Maybe he’s not cool, but hey kid he loves you…to death.

Seriously, I thought this started in sixth grade.  I’m thinking that K-5 is a wee bit early for social hierarchy.  I mean, is he embarrassed of D?  Is that what’s going on?  And what constitutes not being cool enough in K-5; can’t run fast enough, too slow with a glue stick, too many veggies in your lunch pail?

I’ve asked around and not a single person can remember such nastiness at such a tender age.  Aren’t they supposed to be chasing butterflies and believing in Santa?

My husband said it best, “When I was five I just wanted to get dirty.”

An hour later, I broach the subject with my sprite.

“I don’t think it’s right to treat your friends like that Donovan and I hope you never say anything like that to anyone.  Perhaps he was having a bad day (perhaps he was having a bad life, perhaps he’s a pain in my butt, perhaps, perhaps he’s only six and I should extend him some kindness, perhaps the reason no one remembers it is because it’s not a big deal).

And let’s be honest, Donovan isn’t completely innocent himself.  At the playground someone was trying to impede on his Bromance time with Blankety-Blank and this is what he said,

“It wouldn’t bother me a bit if you were a thousand miles away right now.”

Does it make it better that he sounds like Mr. Belvidere while he tells the kid to get lost?  I think not.  We left the playground immediately.  Love hurts, the pain just shouldn’t begin before first grade.